Catching the future by the teeth

desires unfold like
a kaleidoscope without patterns
colours and shapes argue
against a white backdrop
an eerie light settles like
dust in a house unentered

it is a fool’s errand
to bite off a piece of tomorrow
the irregularly shaped orb sits
like sandpaper in my throat;
any second now–
dreams might shatter
and stars might fall

–find me.
Find me, find me.
unearth me like treasure.
see me again and again
with wonder in your eyes–

With wonder in your eyes.

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Smoke and Vapor

Wrote this poem while listening to this ethereal mix on Youtube…

Tear down those walls of my room
the frame of my bed, my chair, my desk
Tear down those concrete
those sidewalk and benches

Strip this civilized world bare 
bare and naked and wild and free
Strip away my pretense, my confines,
my name

Until I am nothing
nothing but my desire

Eventually

Eventually

Darkness spilled in from the windows of our houses

Our dreams became the splinters in our mind

And every time we tried to wash the blood off our hands

We scraped off skins, muscles and cells

But we were rotten to the bones

Endless darkness, down down down to our very core

There it was, the curse of the devil gnawing at the our heart

Our ability to love

.

Eventually

We offered forgiveness to those who offered something in return

We performed charities only we had something to gain

We loved only when we were loved more

And we cried and complained when we weren’t love enough

.

Eventually

We had overcome that darkness

We had thoroughly absorbed it and made it our own

Darkness had become us as we lived in light.

.

Eventually, we are light.

Finally.

I sat with my legs crossed

And drifted into the land of nowhere

That kingdom of mine

Somewhere, nowhere

In my kingdom

.

I built a sky castle there

A city of floating stones

Where the clouds nourished the spring seeds

Lifted them up into summer

Fed them with stars and dreams

So they grew stronger over the years

.

I built it with my own hands.

And with my own hands, I destroyed it

It happened in a blink of an eye

A shift in the mind

I could hear the falling bricks

My crumbling castle walls

Bombarding the sea

Plunging into turmoil

Disappearing into nothingness

.

I destroyed it

I destroyed it so I never had to look up to it again

Never had to think about how would I be getting there

When it was up there, out of reach, so high?

Never had to want to get there

Not again, never

Never would I create another world

That had never been

Not again, never

.

So now I have wings.

In This World Like No Other

As I swear to protect you

I try to bear your pain

But your sorrows refuse to lift

And down, down, down

I’ve sunk with you

.

As I swear to hold you forever

I try to lock my fingers around your shoulders

But your body keeps shrinking

Smaller and smaller until

I am hugging myself, wondering where you’ve gone

.

As I swear to find you again

I try to understand the emptiness you’ve left behind

But somehow I can’t fill it like I’ve promised to

So one by one and one after another

The teardrops fall

.

I should have made you swear to me

To never leave me

To never leave me behind

In this paradox

In a world like this, like no other

Wishing for those squalid hopes to come clean

Wishing for your presence in your absence

Wishing for your love in my hate

.

But in a world like this, like no other

There is a blade in every love

A mellowness in every hate

A lie between each and every word

A lingering breath next to each grave

.

There is no order

There is no balance

Between solace and chaos

Only between desire and self-loathing

These two almost equate each other

Nearly perfectly and ultimately

.

And so, my dear,

Even though you’re no longer here

Give me purpose as I dream on

Grant me courage when I fail

To forget

.

Remind me to breathe

When I, at last,

Begin to know

Who you really are

Who I really am.

Incapable (First Draft)

As I awake in a dream I see

Silence, calmly sedated into a

Wordless rhythm. Perhaps

None of this is happening and the

Very muscle of my eyes hums

With an impulse, to open and see truly, honestly

But the world is tampered by fools

Therefore my eyelids fossilize

And a smile. Its mere existence is questionable

 .

While I stay awake, my toes submerge

Into a society of poison mushrooms. They

Shine with a kind of darkness that

Makes the tree bark rot with elegance

Dying, just like my skin that’s been

Prickling to shed.

Tempted, to join this non-existent wonderland

But you never know

 .

I fall back into the nightmares. As of

Now, the disturbing sun sizzles

On my upper lip, forcing it to part, forcing

Out broken syllables from

My broken heart

Plumbing my dignity out of my stomach

But never my pain

 .

While I am asleep, soundly and bewilderingly

I wish I was never born.