As I swear to protect you
I try to bear your pain
But your sorrows refuse to lift
And down, down, down
I’ve sunk with you
.
As I swear to hold you forever
I try to lock my fingers around your shoulders
But your body keeps shrinking
Smaller and smaller until
I am hugging myself, wondering where you’ve gone
.
As I swear to find you again
I try to understand the emptiness you’ve left behind
But somehow I can’t fill it like I’ve promised to
So one by one and one after another
The teardrops fall
.
I should have made you swear to me
To never leave me
To never leave me behind
In this paradox
In a world like this, like no other
Wishing for those squalid hopes to come clean
Wishing for your presence in your absence
Wishing for your love in my hate
.
But in a world like this, like no other
There is a blade in every love
A mellowness in every hate
A lie between each and every word
A lingering breath next to each grave
.
There is no order
There is no balance
Between solace and chaos
Only between desire and self-loathing
These two almost equate each other
Nearly perfectly and ultimately
.
And so, my dear,
Even though you’re no longer here
Give me purpose as I dream on
Grant me courage when I fail
To forget
.
Remind me to breathe
When I, at last,
Begin to know
Who you really are
Who I really am.