Obligatory New Year Poem

 Happy New Year, everybody!

This year, I vow to miscount every second,
every minute, every hour, every day,
until time matters no longer,
until happiness is all I measure

This year, I vow to love fiercer and deeper,
every minute, every hour, every day,
until every moment is a moment of realness
until every action stands for itself

This year, I subject myself to rejuvenation,
every minute, every hour, every day,
until each breath makes and wakes me anew
until each heartbeat only beats true

This year, I vow to dream by living,
every minute, every hour, every day,
until past and future are nowhere to be found
until words of regret no longer abound.

Push

Somewhere inside of me—somewhere

recluse and disembodied—dwells

my various selves that have been

created out of malleable delusions,

whipped into tangible forms

as my one true self deforms, and grows

recalcitrant to my rule.

.

This intermittent decomposition

of the soul, occurs slowly, while the

mirror loses my reflection

and disfigures my image into

something uncanny and utterly twisted,

turns me into someone I cannot bear to look at.

.

I cannot live like this anymore. 

.

It is then the portions of my character

stirs with unease, refusing to hide and

scurry in the ditches of my uncertainty

any longer. They thud against my

left temple, wanting out, erupting

from the crevices of my body

and burning my skin. I don’t think

I can hold them in and I shall not try to.

This damned rebellion! The shattered

pieces of my desires waging a sweet war against my

throne of false security and comfort

forcing me to open my eyes, giving me pain

and granting me hope. They yearn for the light,

and I yearn to be free, and on the battlefields

we meet, wanting to be whole, whispering to

each other a promise that will bind us,

forever and ever,

until death do us part.

Reality

In my hand I hold a piece of sunlight.

It crumbles. Pulled to the ground by the gravity of its love.

Its love for earth. Like golden cookie crumbs and a child’s toothless smile.

Back in those moments when we knew nothing at all. Ignorance is bliss.

Back in those moments when the sky was just the sky and it was vast because it is was.

That was before we tried to understand everything. Before we lived by the so-called reason.

What good has reason done for us, so far? This reason. Ha. We think it is the truth.

We point at it and name it the truth. It becomes the world we live in today. It becomes our vision, a kind of blindness. It becomes God. It becomes Evil. It becomes whatever it needs to become so we can exist.

Like the Matrix. You have seen that movie? I just watched it last night.

And I think that world is not so different from ours.

Who really is our enemy?

How can you tell what’s real or what’s not, what’s love and what’s hate, what’s life and what’s death—

You’ll know it’s real. No, seriously.

Tell me if this is real. Tell me if your life is real.

Tell me this world isn’t what I think it is. Tell me.

Tell me when it’s all over.

Tell me that we live in a utopia and not chaos.

But hey, we are.

Don’t you know?

We are in a utopia. Of course we are.

No, seriously.

We are in a utopia.

And that’s the truth. That’s the reality.

Why am I so sure, you ask?

Well.

I have my reasons.

Breathe.

Taken from http://www.signal2noiz.com/1618/?p=835

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Most of the time I find myself wistful. I tread on precarious grounds, looking ahead at my disastrous future that is potentially delirious, potentially glorious.

The questions I ask are
Strange creatures that fly, crawl and swim in silence. They touch my skin in a way that make me curl deep into myself, pushing away the oxygen, when all I want to do is
Breathe.

Breathe, I say to myself. Open your eyes. I call my name to be sure of who I am, desperately searching for a tangibility that will secure my perpetual fantasies about

Webs of

Countless words, nouns and adjectives and adverbs
Names and places and passions and dreams interwoven
A kind of magic that I yearn to yield
The kind of magic that saves and redeems a person
A person like me.

Breathe. I ask myself,
Can I do it?
Is this the path for me?
Am I good enough?
Is this ever
Going to work out I honestly
Don’t know.

Maybe the bridge that I see vaguely beyond my feverish vision
Will turn out to be a bottomless cliff and blinded, crippled by what I call
Aspirations
Are devilish chains that drag you down, down, down and down
All the way down to destruction.

But how can you tell the difference between an angel and a demon
When you are only human?

Spell the word evil backwards and you get the word live.
Spell the word devil backwards and you get the word lived.
So I guess at
Some point in our everlasting lives we grow
Horns and scales and morbid skins
So we can be guided towards that cliff without that cursed angel nibbling our ears saying
Come back.

Just leave us be.

Tell me, how do you tell the difference between

An angel and a demon?

Maybe an angel doesn’t have wings
Nor perfect beauty and dancing harp strings a smile
Can be crooked and weak and luring and caring and

You will never know what’s real until you

Breathe. When you reach that cliff with a devilish satisfaction an angel is there
To catch you
Or the other way around
Breathe. When you jump and
Breathe
Your back is penetrated
With a searing pain that you have never felt before so divine and hellsih at the same time that
You close your eyes.

I remember there’s this quote about a master pushing his student off cliffs and the students say
No.
But the master pushes them off nevertheless. Quite preposterous. Quite inhumane.

That’s when they learn to fly. That’s when I learn the impossibilities and uncertainties are just dusts kissing the lid of my eye they are just
A monster in a child’s closet outgrown by time that’s
When I learn to fly
When I learn to breathe
and just

Breathe.

I command the universe.
To fill me with a kingdom
That I shall create when I

Breathe.

By Kim T.

Finally.

I sat with my legs crossed

And drifted into the land of nowhere

That kingdom of mine

Somewhere, nowhere

In my kingdom

.

I built a sky castle there

A city of floating stones

Where the clouds nourished the spring seeds

Lifted them up into summer

Fed them with stars and dreams

So they grew stronger over the years

.

I built it with my own hands.

And with my own hands, I destroyed it

It happened in a blink of an eye

A shift in the mind

I could hear the falling bricks

My crumbling castle walls

Bombarding the sea

Plunging into turmoil

Disappearing into nothingness

.

I destroyed it

I destroyed it so I never had to look up to it again

Never had to think about how would I be getting there

When it was up there, out of reach, so high?

Never had to want to get there

Not again, never

Never would I create another world

That had never been

Not again, never

.

So now I have wings.

Soon

For my creative writing’s final exam (take-home portion): which is to write a song…with restrictions. As much as I’d complained beforehand, things got easier when I became inspired. I got it done in a few hours or so…didn’t really look at the time. I never do when I’m writing…sigh…like right now because I should really go to sleep because I have to work tomorrow…oh and my birthday is officially over! It’s 12:14 April 18th. Well. I ended up not studying for finals…I am now behind my schedule. But anyways. It’s my birthday…right? One deserves a little break.

Ok I should just stop babbling. Here’s my song, which is about the end of the world…since my thoughts are surrounded with darkness these days.

Soon

By Kimberly Tsan

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The angel’s feathers turning into dust

The hellfire burning in our eyes

The darkest light comes from the brightest sun

We are surrounded by the truest lies

.

It’s becoming thinner, this air

The Gods will leave no heir

The stars glow with our fears

The last shield will soon shatter

If nothing we do matters, then

We’ll blink twice, and hope for a second universe

.

Those wings no longer shield us

We refuse to hear them, though they still hear us

We’ve grown too pompous, have lost all focus

We rely on our strengths, but that becomes our weakness

.

It’s becoming thinner, this air

The Gods will leave no heir

The stars glow with our fears

The last shield will soon shatter

If nothing we do matters, then

We’ll blink twice, and hope for a second universe

.

Save

Save yourselves

Save

Save yourselves

.

It’s becoming thinner, this air

The Gods will leave no heir

The stars glow with our fears

The last shield will soon shatter

If nothing we do matters, then

We’ll blink twice, and hope for a second universe