grief always finds its way back

I realized you were
never coming back
for the twenty seventh time;
I held your smiles, held
them against my palm
feeling their soft ruffles
with my skin, fingering
their soft crease
I let them go again
knowing that they no
longer belonged to me:
they belong with you
and you belong to the sky
and the sky belongs to no man,
no one; and there is no one
in the sky when I look
each time I look
every time I look
no matter how hard
I look

when people don’t get your joke

unable to find the folds of your smile,
the punchline slowly backed
away from the thin straight line
of your neutral lips-disheartened,
it sullenly retreated, shivering from
its failure of becoming born
retreating into a shell of awkward silence
sucking its thumb as it sulked

words are feeble

words are feeble
they stumble and collapse
there seems no end to this
litany, no end to these
ink-stained tears that
eat into flesh
hollow out bones

and words are feeble
to contain hearts
rupturing with a thunderous
crack, each pulse a bolt
of lightning, splitting
the sky into two

and words
are feeble
to stop the bleeding eyes
everywhere, everywhere
there are bleeding eyes
failed by these feeble words
these words that are feeble

the months keep sneaking up on me these days

the months keep sneaking
up on me these days;
I remember I used to be
wide eyed and slightly afraid.
that girl, however, is a lifetime

away

in the moments when I
forgot to breathe, just
for a second or two
I have to remind myself
the simple profundity
that exists within a single
rotation of breath

inhale, exhale
you only live once

inhale–

exhale.

You only live once

 

I have no patience

sorry for not wanting to wait
for a well-considered social conclusion
I no longer have the strength
to expend, nor the heart to
wrap compassion around you
like a soft warm blanket
because what always happens
is that you brush my hands off
of the soulful wool I have woven
and you leave me standing
on a street full of people who
do not lift their eyes as they
pass each other by and
you leave me standing there
as uncontrollable shivers travel
down my spine, shriveling me
until the cold air singes my smile
that is now lifelessly frozen