grief always finds its way back

I realized you were
never coming back
for the twenty seventh time;
I held your smiles, held
them against my palm
feeling their soft ruffles
with my skin, fingering
their soft crease
I let them go again
knowing that they no
longer belonged to me:
they belong with you
and you belong to the sky
and the sky belongs to no man,
no one; and there is no one
in the sky when I look
each time I look
every time I look
no matter how hard
I look

a sudden but anticipated tragedy

sadness_by_rockthenations

sometimes even a jug of
orange juice can tear through
your sense of self,
a searing hole opening up
dragging you down like quicksand,
and you gasp for air as
long-buried memories escape
like poisonous gas from
the blistered chasm, and
you descend into that
long forgotten pit of darkness
too sudden for tears to be shed

It’s not just hockey.

The pushed bodies clotting in the veins of a city.

The black cells, armed with batons and horses

Driving them out like the heart trying its best

To pump out the wastes of the body.

But sometimes the heart is too frail.

.

Symptoms:

Helpless turtles turned on its metal shell

Molested by fists and voices.

Despicable fish-mouths hooting and whoo-ing.

Dirtied, scraped hands clapping for more.

Ruined faces and broken bottles everywhere.

The explicit romance of lovers. Kisses exchanged in delirium, in another world.

Marshmallows of fire, seen from the sky, oozing out a sweet, overwhelming scent.

.

They are alive. They are watching us.

This shameless riot gives them breath, gives them life.

Unexpected complications wrapped in ribbons made of tear gas

Sent around the globe like presents by an early Santa Chaos.

This year, for us, a whole city of coals.

.

I think I know what Hell will look like. A hall of mirrors. That frightens me the most.

.

So I pray for rain.

.

By K.T.

Game

My defeat consisted of exactly these things:

One nod, one broken heart, and

Sixty seven droplets of tears that burned my hand

When I covered my face

When I closed my eyes

When you became the missing number of my life

When your departure reduced my soul to half its size

.

Your victory also consisted of three things:

One smile, one plane ticket,

One other girl that took you across the world

In order to abandon me

Forever

Always

(UBCLE I LOVE BLOG 7 請到 http://nastk.wordpress.com/ 但是也歡迎你在我的英文BLOG逛逛~)

.

Your left hand hangs lifelessly

Beside the hospital bed, next to

The ghostly sheets

.

The clock is one minute until twelve.

.

Your death lingers

Between the leaves of the apple tree

Outside of the window

Looks so natural that

I can’t help but shiver.

.

The dreams from last night

Still rests on your brow like a feather

Lucifer’s kiss.

.

I still remember that night

Underneath the stars

I ran into your arms

And listened to your quiet heartbeats

Along with your short, ragged breaths

Fade with the upmost grace

.

You tell me not to be afraid

Your tired smile melts and disintegrates

On your tearless face

When your warmth disappears

Gradually from both of my hands

I stand by you, and I am numb

.

The clock strikes twelve

On the other side of the world.

I swallow back my tears

Don’t want you to hear me

And I whisper next to your ears

That promise I’ve failed to kept

When you were alive.

.

Always.

(Translated from my Chinese poem “Always” from http://nastk.wordpress.com/)

Suspended in clouds.

Suspended in clouds

Those icy cottons run through your fingers

They are soft like the wind

But they hold you gentler than any wind

 

They way they hold you

They hold you like a mother

Like a lover

Their words are leaves slowly changing colour

 

Everything is so splendid

The sun is bright but it doesn’t hurt your eyes

Beneath you, it is raining

But you are

Suspended in clouds

You hear the raindrops collide with earth

Each tiny drop building on top of another

Like nature’s popcorn

 

The sky is dark

But you are suspended

In clouds

Floating, like an astronaut in space

Spinning, spinning

You’re up in the sky

Suspended in clouds

 

But how is it that

Your heart is just as grey

The vastness around you brings out that inevitable void

An unexpected emptiness

A tired expression

Cold, pale hands shivering imperceptibly

The world rotates around you

 

Your mouth is closed

A song stuck in your throat

Dissolves into black ink

Overflowing

Leaking out of your pores in slow motion

While you are

Suspended in clouds

 

Except now you’re surrounded by black silky ribbons

The light shines through and rests on your skin

Makes you sad

That liquid song still leaking out of you

The world beneath you is still raining

There might have been the sound of thunder

But you can’t hear anything

Can’t feel anything except

Yourself disappearing

Fading away

 

While you are

Suspended in clouds.

 

One More Time

I wait for the tears on your face to realign

They trace their small, destructive steps carefully

Back to your swollen eyes

And that sob you try so hard to suppress

The one that breaks my heart

Retrieves itself from the tearing beating flesh in my chest

Travels all the way back to your languid mouth

Resonating in quiet screams

Within your tightened jaw

.

The shock uncarves itself from the lines of your face

The lines that I dream of every night

Your lips cease to tremble

Underneath my fingers

That tell you to hush

.

When you blink, my hands draw back

Rewinding so they now rest beside my thighs

Nervously fidgeting

That long, heavy sigh, once again,

Re-enters my body

Joining those dark thoughts in my mind

That are raining down onto my soul, pelting

Like liquefied thunder

.

And then, I lose myself to silence

My mouth struggles to open

But this time, it does not win

I smile at my sweet defeat

Powerless, because I love you so

And I’m sorry that I have ever doubted

Because I do not doubt us any longer

.

Because we are together

And our promises kept

And we are going to remain like this

Forever.

By K.T.