You heart recognizes it before your mind does. Over
the years it has decoded the language of your soul, deconstructed
the patterns of your behaviour and systemized your
various reactions and thoughts. In order to ensure survival,
it strategizes your emotions and efficiently segregates
your truest feelings so you react appropriately to
things that it considers too good to be true or
things that will certainly do you more harm than good.
Its calculations are nearly always exact, immutable
and indispensible and just as your heart masters
the mechanics of your internal chaos, you
indulge yourself in its loyal service and you feel safe
wrapped in this dependence, this self-deception. With
continuous practice, your faithful servant tackles the difficult
maths of life, what you call, bad shit that always
happen to good people.
Like any intellectual being, that little piece of beating
flesh inside of your chest gradually comes
to its own wistful conclusion: to simplify
the equations and formulas and to reduce the
constant complication of its computation—it begins to
defragment its hard-drive, erasing the unnecessary files,
memories of joy, of love and of hope. Those things
are not needed. What good have they done so far?
According to its calculation, humans need only
one thing to survive, and that is thing is fear.
So it teaches you to be afraid,
To live in fear, to become fear itself.
Only then, can you be fully and truly
protected from pain, from unfulfilled wishes,
from one job to the next, from one lover to another,
from the shards of your broken relationships,
from the dawnless sleeps, the nightmares that
do not end, the devil that is life.