First time, and also the last,

Drunken with lies

One day I woke up sober, disgusted,

My heart, resenting the bitter aftertaste

Of self deception,


My own dirty ugly hands that covered my eyes

I held my heart in my hand

Rotten with a depressing blue

I could count each teardrop that had never been cried

Frozen inside


I think it’s broken

It’s dysfunctional

Not by a man, for I have never loved a man

That kind of love I can slap myself with

Is not really love

When I swallow, within,

My throat burns a wretched fire

My own words melting, clotting my trachea

Like lonely wax

My words come out heated

Though they feel kind of cold


I think I want to fall in love again

I think I want to taste it without tasting my own stupidity

Without cliches, pink ribbons and chocolate bubbles

But I think,

I don’t think I quite hear myself

Because all I hear right now

Are cold heated words

That push the world away

From my crystallized heart



  1. slpmartin · December 24, 2010

    Your words convey such raw emotions…such a powerful poem…thanks for sharing this…have a great holiday!

  2. Carol Ann Hoel · December 24, 2010

    Sad thoughts from a sad heart. What is broken must heal before what is new may congeal. As always, your poems are touching and well written. Blessings to you…

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